“AAA” Living:  Mental, Emotional, & Relational Wellness

When’s the last time you needed to change the channel on the TV, or change the settings on your AV receiver, and …. nothing…nada…even after blowing, wiggling and rolling the batteries in the back? Many of the remotes in our lives take the small but mighty AAA battery (unless we have an Apple TV). Have you ever marveled at how such a small battery powers a remote which powers a TV or stereo for years at a time? Probably not. That would be a little weird. But hey, I’m still going with the AAA battery analogy. 🙂  

When it comes to mental, emotional, and relational wellness, there are so many counseling methods and modes that can help people achieve their goals. For the sake of this blog (and the AAA battery analogy), let me share three simple yet powerful words that all start…you guessed it…with the letter A. 

AWARENESS… 

Why is Awareness important, let alone first on this list? Because it is really difficult to improve or try to fix something or grow if we aren’t aware of what could be improved or “fixed”, let alone how to go about it. There are so many things to potentially be aware of inside us and around us. To be aware means “to have knowledge or perception of a situation or fact”. Being aware can also mean… “to be concerned and well informed about a particular situation or development.”  

Regarding our wellbeing, awareness can pertain to every aspect of the world around us, as well as the complex realities inside of us. Here’s a list of a number of examples of things we can try to be aware of: 

• Our strengths     - Our insecurities 

• Our handling of stress  - Our handling of relational conflict 

• Our support systems    – Our blessings 

• Our wounds          - Our goals / dreams 

• Our emotions        – Our self-talk 

• Our view of ourselves   – Our relational satisfaction 

• Our successes      - Our boundaries  

ACCEPTANCE… 

Acceptance is one of those words that can often seem confusing and counter-intuitive. To accept something can mean to “give consent to receive…to believe and come to recognize something as valid or true.” No one naturally enjoys painful and difficult situations or emotions. What is natural for many is to try to avoid feeling or experiencing negative things. We (often without consciously being AWARE of it) distract ourselves with work, exercise, social media, or tv binge watching. Or we numb ourselves by self-medicating with alcohol, drugs, or other habits. These are all examples of ways we naturally cope with negative situations, feelings, relationships, or thought patterns. The problem is that as intuitive and natural that these ways to cope are, they ultimately don’t help us accomplish or experience what we truly need or desire…peace, contentment, health, and growth…all of which take acceptance – choosing to give consent to something painful and choosing to recognize what might be true, what might be helpful, and what might be needed in order to grow and move towards wholeness and wellness. Here are a few examples: 

Sitting with our feelings for 5,10, or 15 minutes, asking ourselves “what am I really feeling?” and/or “how do these feelings affect how I feel about myself?” (leading to deeper, more vulnerable feelings). 

Allowing ourselves to be ok with “fine” 

Giving ourselves the opportunity to cry, scream, or punch a pillow. 

Learning to try to be “ok” while not feeling that “ok”. 

Learning to be more comfortable with the uncomfortable. (I told you this is counter-intuitive). 

“To accept something can mean to “give consent to receive…to believe and come to recognize something as valid or true.”

ASSERTIVENESS…  

Being Assertive is another word that is often confused or misunderstood. Some of us think of words like aggressive or overly direct. But assertiveness is actually about being self-assured, honest, and kind without being aggressive, as well as avoidant. It’s about communicating in an honest and healthy way. It’s about knowing who we are, who we aren’t, what we’re willing to do, and what we’re not willing to do. And it’s also about having the courage to tell someone what they need to hear, and not just what they want to hear. That’s how I define kindness and is the main difference between being “nice” and “kind”. 

Here are a few practical truths to be mindful of when practicing assertiveness.

• Remember that being assertive is a choice we make for ourselves first and foremost, respecting the fact that we cannot control or change someone else. 

• Assertiveness also gives others the opportunity to see things from a different perspective AND the opportunity to change or grow, accepting that they may not take advantage of the opportunity and might even turn up the “difficulty index”, making things even harder (not consciously usually).  

• Continued growth in our own awareness and self-acceptance will help. Are you naturally more avoidant or aggressive when it comes to interpersonal conflict? Acknowledging this will lead to improved assertiveness in ways that are more natural and helpful to you. 

• Choose the appropriate level of honesty and share what you are feeling. 

• Listen and let someone know that you heard them and understand what they are saying, validating their point of view, whether you agree with it or not.

• Look ahead to a potentially difficult situation and create a “plan a and plan b”.  

• Try finding words that make sense to you and your situation. ex, try replacing “no” with something else, like “I’m not sure, let me think about it. Or, “I’d appreciate it if…” vs “I need you to…”.

• Try to be more conscious of saying “I’m sorry”, with the opportunity of only saying it when you’ve actually done (or not done) something to apologize about.  

“It’s almost impossible to express something in a healthy and assertive way when we’re not at least a little bit aware of what we’re feeling, thinking, or needing.”