God designed marriage to be one of life’s greatest blessings and one of the most effective witnesses to His love. Unfortunately, this doesn’t always last and we find ourselves in a relationship wondering what happened. Where did the love go? How did things get so bad? Can we get back on track… Do we even want to?
We see couples with a lot of unique situations, and we hold onto hope for all of them! Below are some of the most common reasons people start couples therapy.
We are stuck in the same negative cycle.
Many couples we work with find themselves in an up and down cycle. “When it’s good, it’s really good” and when it’s not—well, you get the idea. This pattern of highs and lows is absolutely draining. By identifying the repeated pattern, we can figure out what the unhealthy “dance” looks like for you and your significant other and we can help you learn new steps. With practice, the bad days can become the exception rather than the norm.
My spouse betrayed my trust.
With the ability to bring some of life’s greatest joys, romantic relationships also make us vulnerable to significant hurts. Infidelity, emotional distancing, lying, keeping secrets, and other hurts are big wounds that need repair. It might be nice to think that “time heals” but that is simply not the case. It takes commitment to healing, growth, and change in order to move forward. The good news is that repair is possible and there is hope for what’s to come.
We need help navigating a specific issue.
Just can’t seem to agree on something? Maybe it’s a parenting approach, an issue with your in-laws, or a financial decision. Sometimes we just get stuck and the help of a third-party can assist you and your partner with finding clarity. Communication tools, clarification of your values, and conflict resolution techniques can help you work through a specifically challenging issue before it takes root and becomes a more pervasive issue.
We think we might want to end the relationship.
Sometimes things get so difficult that one or both partners is considering ending the relationship. If divorce is really being considered, pursuing couples therapy is often ineffective. In couples therapy, we are biased towards saving your marriage. Our goal is to help enhance communication and connection in your relationship. We believe that marriage is worth the work and our commitment to marriage is serious! For couples who are committed to the relationship and feeling weary, we hold onto hope for you. Read more about our commitment to marriage.
But look, we also understand that sometimes a relationship just isn’t working. And while we are pro-marriage, we are not against divorce. If you’re a couple who is considering the idea of ending the relationship, we recommend going through the process of Discernment Counseling. Discernment counselors are totally unbiased about the outcome of the relationship. The goal of Discernment Counseling is to help each person gain clarity and confidence about the decision to either stay in the relationship, separate, divorce, or start couples therapy. To get a better understanding of this unique model, visit the modern commitment website.